Let’s Modify the Stranger Danger Narrative

by Judith Rodman
President & CEO

While I was preparing to become a parent, I read countless books on parenting, flipped through manuals to baby-proof my house, and did hours on hours of research to feel as ready as I could be. 

As my children continued to grow, I realized there was a part missing from my preparation — how to teach about the importance of personal safety. I remember them coming home from elementary school and talking about stranger danger after a school presentation. At the time, preparing them for a possible interaction with a stranger seemed like a perfect way to keep them as safe as possible. 

Now, working in child services and a child advocacy center, I realize strangers aren’t usually the people who children most often need to enforce their boundaries with personal safety. 

Think back to when your parents or teachers taught you about being safe. Many used the narrative of a stranger asking a child to get candy from a van or asking for help looking for their missing puppy. While this example has been used for decades, we need to change that narrative. 

More than 90% of abusers are someone a child knows, trusts, and may even love. 

Children need to be taught about boundaries and encouraged to enforce them with everyone. If someone does something a child isn’t comfortable with, making sure they have the tools to implement their boundaries is important. This isn’t only something to do with strangers, but with anyone your child may come in contact with. 

Sunflower House offers many resources to parents and children to be taught about personal safety. One of the biggest programs we offer to teach young children about personal safety is the Happy Bear Program for children ages 4 to 7. As they complete grades and move schools, we offer programs through high school to give children the knowledge they need to be safe. This also includes online safety for children who are using the internet every day.

Trust is also part of making sure your children are comfortable with carrying out and maintaining their boundaries.Allowing them to enforce their boundaries with everyone, even close family members, will help if something does happen down the road and it would be important for them to feel comfortable with this. 

Going through these programs in school also helps start a conversation with adults in the building which also builds more trust. With the school year just beginning a couple of weeks ago, having your child find someone they’re comfortable with is important to preventing, reporting, or reacting to abuse. 

Children need to be taught about personal safety, and they need to be able to enforce the boundaries they create. Also, take time to create a space where your children feel comfortable talking to you, and encourage them to find an adult they trust. 

About Judith Rodman

Judith (Judi) Rodman is the President and CEO of Sunflower House, the Child Advocacy Center serving Johnson and Wyandotte counties in Kansas. Ms. Rodman has more than 25 years experience in community mental health, family services, therapeutic intervention with children and families, and nonprofit leadership. Ms. Rodman has extensive nonprofit experience in program development and evaluation, staff leadership, and managing state, federal, and private grants.  Read More.